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Being in an office where you can hear, but not see each
other is not always a good thing - especially when on the phone to a voice-operated
system…
Automated Voice: “At what time will the goods be ready
for collection?”
Me: “TWELVE!”
My boss: “What?”
Me: “I’m arranging a collection.”
My boss: “Oh”
Automated Voice: “Are any of the goods hazardous?”
My boss: “Is it TNT?”
Me: “NO!”
My boss: “Who is it then?”
Me: “Yes it’s TNT.”
My boss: “Where’s it going to?”
Automated Voice: “How many parcels are there to collect?”
Me: “TWO!”
My boss: “Yes, where’s it going to?”
Me: “Australia.”
My boss: “Right, how many parcels did they pack it in?”
Automated Voice: “To the nearest kilogram, what is the
total weight of the consignment?”
Me: “TWENTY SEVEN!”
My boss: “What! That’s ridiculous! 27? Are you sure?”
Automated Voice: “Have you prepared three copies of the
commercial invoice?”
Me: “YES!”
My boss: “That’s going to cost a fortune!”
Automated Voice: “What is the total value of the goods?”
Me: “THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO POUNDS FIFTY SEVEN
PENCE!”
My boss: “What? No! That’s far too much! ”
Me: “No. I was just giving the value of the goods.”
My boss: “Oh. But still, it’s going to be too expensive. How
much is the transport going to cost?”
Automated Voice: “I’m sorry. Please repeat the total
value of the goods.”
Me: “THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO POUNDS FIFTY SEVEN
PENCE!”
My boss: “What! That’s nearly as much as the value of the
order!”
Automated Voice: “Do you require additional insurance for
this consignment?”
Me: “NO!”
My boss: “Yes it is!”
Automated Voice: “Thank you. Your collection is arranged.
Do you want to access any other services with TNT?”
Me: “NO!”
My boss: “It is!”
Automated Voice: “Thank you for booking with TNT. Your
call is complete.”
<I put the phone down.>
My boss: “Oh. Sorry, I didn’t realise you were still on
the phone.”
As Lord Chesterfield wisely said:
“Hear one side and you will be in the dark. Hear both and
all will be clear.”
That is hilarious lol
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