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| Slim Chants |
A colleague has decided to lose weight, get fitter and, more
importantly, spread the good word...
Me: “Good Morning!”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Yes it is a good
morning. I’ve lost two pounds since last week. I went on the ‘bouncer’ last
night for ten minutes. It really gets the back of your calves.”
Me: “Bouncer?”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Yes, it’s a mini
trampoline in my bedroom. I go on it every night.”
Me: “What do you wear?”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Just socks and
underpants. I’d get too hot if I wore anything else.”
Me: “Oh, OK”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Have you had
breakfast this morning?”
Me: “Yes, a piece of toast.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Oh that’s no good;
you should have more than that. I have muesli with yoghurt and a handful of
strawberries, sometimes blueberries, and a couple of slices of wholegrain
toast. It’s important to have a good breakfast.”
Me: “Right.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Yes. I’m the heaviest
I’ve ever been. I know because I can hardly do my belt up. I’ve been on diets
loads of times so I know all about how to lose weight and get fit.”
Me: “Hmm.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Look, here’s my
lunch… two rounds of Pastrami sandwiches with pickles, some cherries and
grapes, a little marmite flavoured babybel cheese, and a chicken noodle
cup-a-soup.”
Me: “Wow! And is that a Cadbury Twirl in there too?”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Oh, yes, just a
little one. I’m allowed treats. It stops me feeling deprived.”
Me: “I see.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “What have you got
for lunch?”
Me: “Oh. A sandwich, an apple and a few almonds.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “That’s not good. You
need more than that.”
Me: “It’s fine. It’s enough until my evening meal.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Well, when I get
home I’ll just have some sandwiches. I never have a hot meal in the evening.
Unless it’s Friday of course, I always have an Indian takeaway on a Friday as a
reward. It’s important to reward yourself; it keeps the motivation and
discipline up.”
Me: “I like having a hot meal in the evening.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “No. That’s the worst
thing you can do. Just a light meal is all you need if you want to lose weight
and be healthy.”
Me: “I don’t feel as though I need to lose weight and I
feel pretty healthy.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Ah well you’re probably
just lucky. You must have skinny parents.”
Me: “No, not really.”
Born Again Health and Fitness Guru: “Well you need to be
careful then. Trust me, I know all about health and fitness. I’ve lost so much
weight over the years - if you add it all up.”
Well, you can’t question such impressive credentials.
Don't you just love people who know everything about everything? I once heard that an expert is someone who knows lots about a specialised field. As you become more expert within that field, you know more and more about less and less, until you eventually know everything about nothing:)
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