Teenagers’ Rules

Teenagers' Rules

The timeless rules of teenagers...

 

It was music theory class again last night and, due to work commitments, the other fully fledged adults weren’t there. This left a class made up mostly of teenagers. It was interesting to note that, in the decades that have passed since I was their age, nothing much has change.

 

 

Rule #1: Completely ignore adults as they enter the classroom, avoiding eye contact at all costs. To achieve this without confrontation requires being engrossed in a highly important task:-

 

1979:

Tutting angrily whilst intently dismantling your 13-colour biro - ensuring that your hair obscures your face completely.

 

2013:

Tutting angrily whilst intently pressing the keys on your mobile phone - ensuring that your hair obscures your face completely.

 

Rule #2: Avoid engaging in conversation with any adults in the classroom. This is achieved by having a conversation with your desk partner. To prevent an adult entering into the conversation, ensure that the chosen topic is one that’s exclusive to your generation:-

 

1979:

You: “What do you think about what happened to Sid Vicious?”

Your friend: “I reckon it’s his Mum’s fault. I bet she had a go at him over what he’s supposed to have done to Nancy.”

You: “Yeah, I reckon old Mrs Vicious is to blame for making him feel sick.”

Your friend: “My Mum makes me feel sick.”

You: “Yeah, same here.”

Your friend: “What? My Mum?”

You: “No. Mine.”

 

2013:

Teenager: “What do you think of the emo band Bullet for my Valentine?”

Teenager’s friend: “I thought they were more like, you know a metal band ‘cos they wear leather and stuff.”

Teenager: “Yeah I s’pose so. Emo’s are like really sensitive and wouldn’t really wear leather.”

Teenager’s friend: “No they wouldn’t would they? Emo’s are like really nice but really sad.”

Teenager: “Wonder what makes them so sad…  probably their Mums.”

Teenager’s friend: “Yeah. Probably their Mums.”

 

Rule #3: Have a plausible reason for not having retrievable evidence that you’ve done your homework:-

 

1979:

You: “I did do it. I was worried that my sister would scribble on it so I hid it in a t shirt and my mum put it in the washing machine.”

Teacher: “Didn’t your mum notice that your homework was inside a t shirt?”

You: “I don’t know.”

 

2013:

Teenager: “I did do it. My mum borrowed my bag to go to Zumba class and it must have dropped out when she was jumping around; then I think the cleaners must have thrown it away.”

Teacher: “Why was your mum jumping around with the bag?”

Teenager: “I haven’t got a clue.”

 

Rule #4: During the class, go to great lengths to ensure that you’re not seen to be remotely interested in the subject matter:-

 

1979:

General sighing, slouching and passing notes containing unflattering comments about the teacher. When the teacher shows irritation, meet him half-way by asking distracting questions: “When you were young, did you dream about being a social sciences teacher at a comprehensive school?”

 

2013:

General sighing, slouching and sending text messages containing unflattering comments about the teacher. When the teacher shows irritation, meet him half-way by asking distracting questions: “Do you think in a hundred years’ time people will still be drawing crotchets with a pencil?”

 

Rule #5: Outward appearance disguises the fact that you are secretly keen to be well thought of. When the teacher states that the homework must be done on time and presented as neatly as possible:-

 

1979:

Cover your exercise book with pristine brown paper. Draw a border around the edge and colour in with felt tip pens – five felt tip pens in fact - five different shades of blue resulting in a stunning gradient effect.

 

2013:

Type up your homework on your iPad, add stunning Photoshop graphics and wirelessly print it to the colour printer before laminating it.

 

The more things change, the more they stay the same.